Tim Gunn Hasn’t Had Sex In 29 Years, And It’s None Of Our Fucking Business

Celebrities give up some of their privacy as part of the “being a famous person” thing. Non-famous people tend to have a certain amount of prurient interest in the lives, romantic and otherwise, of famous people. But there is a line, sapients and gentlebeings. I may coo over the TARDIS Neil and Amanda put on the tree, and I may sporfle at the following Tweet!

Amanda Palmer tweet: “hot phone sex w/ a writer has its disadvantages when it comes to his urge to muse over adjectives when I need to orgasm.”

But if I decide that Amanda Palmer’s and Neil Gaiman’s phone sex shows that their relationship is entirely based around sexuality and a sign of deep trust issues in their relationship, I am an asshole! Do not do that!

The same thing is true if the answer to “how much you have sex” is “never.”

Tim Gunn is a person whose existence I have recently been made aware of. He tells people to “make it work” on Project Runway, apparently! I was unaware of the existence of this show until two days ago, mostly because I am unclear on what people put on the TV besides Doctor Who, The Big Bang Theory and My Little Pony! He wrote a book about fashion, style, and taste, none of which I actually have! He’s a survivor of suicide, which I generally am in support of, because I fucking love my fellow survivors! Also he knows how to rock a fabulous suit!

NSWATM: Gender theory. Ranting. Suit porn.

Also, he has not had sex for twenty-nine years.

Tim Gunn is fine with this! In fact, Tim Gunn says that he is a “happy, fulfilled individual” who is “happy to be alive and healthy” and whose decision to remain celibate was prompted somewhat by a failed relationship and somewhat by health concerns, particularly the AIDS crisis. It seems to me the only story that all of this ought to prompt is a research article on the possible correlation between celibacy and incredible levels of fabulosity.

Despite his fabulosity, however, some nice lady at the LA Times would like to inform you that his celibacy can only be rooted in Deep Psychological Problems!

Berman said that, if she were treating Gunn, she’d like to know: Does he continue to be celibate by choice — or out of fear? For example, she said, if we lived in a magical world where sexually transmitted diseases and AIDS were not an issue … would Gunn still abstain from sexual intimacy?

“It’s not a natural sort of decision, nor is it biological or physiological — we are not wired that way,” she said. “It sounds like there are issues relating to trust,” she added. “There are ways of documenting and proving that people are free from sexually transmitted diseases in a committed relationship.”

…Uh-huh.

Okay, how the fuck does someone get to be a “sexuality expert” without having heard of asexuals? Are the admissions requirements to being a sexuality expert that low? Fuck, man, if that’s true, I can think of fifteen top blowjob tips and have a new career by next Tuesday.

Okay, listen, people. There are tons of people– male people, even!– who don’t have sex. (Note: self-report data, with all the methodological problems that implies.) If we look at Tim Gunn’s fellow fiftysomething men, 28% haven’t even masturbated in the last year, which means that about 28% are either (a) low-libido or (b) Hugh Hefner. Given that there is only one Hugh Hefner and I’m pretty sure he’s not fiftysomething, that suggests that there are lots and lots of low-libido men out there.

I know this is bizarre to all those “90% of men masturbate and 10% of men are lying” people out there, the “men evolved to be promiscuous” people, the “men naturally have high sex drives” people. But men– people— are different. If you don’t want to have sex, you shouldn’t have sex. That doesn’t make you prudish or uncool, broken or sick, sad or pathetic or wrong. It makes you someone who’s making the right life choice for you at that very moment. Hell, even if Tim Gunn were the only man on the entire planet who didn’t want sex, assuming he was content with his lot, it is perfectly fine and awesome.

Not only that, but it is none of anyone’s business! In fact, I will show you a helpful diagram, which I originally stole from Feministe:

My body. Your business. They do NOT overlap.

The consensual, safe, and emotionally healthy actions I take with my own damn body are none of anyone else’s concern. The same thing is true of Tim Gunn. He might be a famous person, but he has not given up his right to not have people be assholes about him, and long-distance diagnosis of mental problems because of his happy, consensual, safe sexual choices is clearly asshole behavior.

Tim Gunn might be a homoromantic asexual or demisexual! He might be a gay man with a low libido! He might have sublimated his sexuality and his erotic energy into his work! All of those options are fine options, and there is nothing wrong with any of them, as long as he is happy. And, I mean, dude hangs out with Iron Man, how could he not be happy?

Make it work, Tony, make it work.

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